Time to take a break in the Music Challenge ('cause if I don't, today's song would leave me completely exposed and I just can't have that on the internet forever) and just tell you about some things that have been rolling around in my little head. Forgive me in advance, I may ramble.
Like, for example, that I have been feeling sort of like I'm threw myself really hard at a Velcro wall, and got stuck there. I've been living in LA for almost a year. Since moving here, I have had relatively little success. Sure, I got a really cool gig as a post-production assistant on a major motion picture, and I learned a lot. But that only lasted for three months... which doesn't look so great on a resume, no matter what you say in an interview.
Now, I'm in a position where I'm (basically) being forced to be an intern until someone decides that I've gained enough experience (unpaid) to hire me as a full-time employee. Most places ask for a minimum of one year (usually two) of experience. And I can't really afford to work unpaid anymore. On the upside, I just had a really cool opportunity to drive around a Swedish director, for which I am getting paid. I am now officially on the payroll at one of my internships. Great, right? Well, yes and no. Yes I'm on the payroll, but I will only be paid for project work, or part time hours. So I'll get paid, but only sporadically. At the moment, it looks like I'll have enough spending money for my trip to Israel (in three weeks!!), but nothing promising enough to save up for any long period of time.
So why am I miserable? I came to LA to work in the Entertainment Industry, and I finally got my foot in the door. By myself, no less! I should be really excited, right? You would think so, but actually, the second I signed my name on that W-4, I was overcome with a wave of panic. Call me crazy, but that's not how you're supposed to feel when your dreams come true. Which brings me to the second half of this blog...
After being in LA for so long (I know a year isn't that long, but when you've been unemployed for more than half of it, believe me, it's a loooong time) I am coming to realize that I don't really know what I want to do in this industry. I don't really know what I'm cut out for. I have a major lack of direction... and in a job search... that's a HUGE problem.
Not to mention, all of my friends are still back in San Diego. All of my closest friends, that I made my life with, are far away from me... and the broker I get, the harder it is for me to visit them. And with all of the struggling in LA that's going on... I'm feeling a stronger pull back to San Diego than ever. I need to be with my friends, I need to be away from my parents, I need to be back where I'm comfortable, and I need to make enough money to stay there.
I have been running my job search, full-speed, back to San Diego. I have been scammed twice in a week's time, sending me on an emotional rollercoaster (for a number of reasons) and its wearing me down. Hard. With every job rejection, I feel more and more like I should never have left in the first place. With every scam, comes the promise of moving back, but then reality hits. And my heart breaks a little more each time. When I said I feel like I'm stuck to a Velcro wall, this is what I'm talking about. Now that I don't live in San Diego, it's even harder for me to get a job there. People are much more willing to take a local than someone who has to relocate.
I remember when I was first considering moving to LA. One of the first (and most prominent) fears I had was that I would move up to LA, and get stuck here. I really didn't want to move. I resisted as long as I could. And now... I'm exactly where I said I'd be. Stuck. The longer I stay, the less I want to. So come on San Diego... pull me back. Please?
A journey down the rabbit hole to find out why a raven is like a writing desk...
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
30 Day Music Challenge - Day Four
I'm starting to realize why they call these things "challenges." They're HARD! If I could list my top 5 for each category, it would be so much easier. The challenge for today was to find a song that makes me sad. I will be the first to admit to you, that most of the songs that make me sad are related very directly to an incident (usually an incident involving men) so I tried very hard to narrow down the choices to a song that just makes me sad.
First, I thought to myself, well "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton is a really sad song... but especially if you know who the song was written for.
*Sidebar - I just spilled coffee all over myself. Read my profile and you'll understand why that's hilarious.
Anyway, I also thought about "Please, Please, Please" by the Smiths... because that song really sort of fits my life right now. But, I know there is a better one. So, a list 13 songs long, and 12 cross-outs later, here it is (please ignore the Spanish titles):
Day 04 - A Song that Makes You Sad:
I know what you're thinking. How can a song called "Smile" make you sad, right? Well, basically, when I'm sad, the hardest thing in the world for me to do is to smile. So this song sort of points that out. I can put this song on, and often, I find myself crying because I just can't do anything else. Even more so if I sing with her. So there you have it. This song brings a good cry.
day 01 - your favorite song
day 02 - your least favorite song
day 03 - a song that makes you happy
First, I thought to myself, well "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton is a really sad song... but especially if you know who the song was written for.
*Sidebar - I just spilled coffee all over myself. Read my profile and you'll understand why that's hilarious.
Anyway, I also thought about "Please, Please, Please" by the Smiths... because that song really sort of fits my life right now. But, I know there is a better one. So, a list 13 songs long, and 12 cross-outs later, here it is (please ignore the Spanish titles):
Day 04 - A Song that Makes You Sad:
I know what you're thinking. How can a song called "Smile" make you sad, right? Well, basically, when I'm sad, the hardest thing in the world for me to do is to smile. So this song sort of points that out. I can put this song on, and often, I find myself crying because I just can't do anything else. Even more so if I sing with her. So there you have it. This song brings a good cry.
day 01 - your favorite song
day 02 - your least favorite song
day 03 - a song that makes you happy
Sunday, May 8, 2011
30 Day Music Challenge - Day Three
I'm trying to keep up... I really am.
Anyway, it took me a while to come up with this particular choice, as there are quite a few songs that make me happy. Recently however, I do have a few favorites. I narrowed them down and tried to think of all the songs that brought a smile to my face, just by listening to them. Turns out, a lot of those songs are "loser anthems," which I can relate to very easily.
Being the huge Gleek that I am, there is an absurd amount of music from the show on my iPod. So as I flipped through my library, and especially in my Top Rated folder (THE playlist of favorite songs) I encountered quite a few songs from the Glee Cast Catalog. None stuck out as clearly as this particular song. But you should all know that Pink's "Raise Your Glass" was a VERY close second.
Day 03 - A Song That Makes You Happy
Not only does this song bring an instant smile to my face with the hook alone, I actually get goosebumps when the I hear the chorus. That's right. Goosebumps. I am so overcome with joy and smiles that my hair stands on end and my skin gets all tingly. I love this song. For all that it represents, and for every one who has ever felt like a loser.
Well done, original Glee song. Well. Done.
day 01 - your favorite song
day 02 - your least favorite song
Anyway, it took me a while to come up with this particular choice, as there are quite a few songs that make me happy. Recently however, I do have a few favorites. I narrowed them down and tried to think of all the songs that brought a smile to my face, just by listening to them. Turns out, a lot of those songs are "loser anthems," which I can relate to very easily.
Being the huge Gleek that I am, there is an absurd amount of music from the show on my iPod. So as I flipped through my library, and especially in my Top Rated folder (THE playlist of favorite songs) I encountered quite a few songs from the Glee Cast Catalog. None stuck out as clearly as this particular song. But you should all know that Pink's "Raise Your Glass" was a VERY close second.
Day 03 - A Song That Makes You Happy
Not only does this song bring an instant smile to my face with the hook alone, I actually get goosebumps when the I hear the chorus. That's right. Goosebumps. I am so overcome with joy and smiles that my hair stands on end and my skin gets all tingly. I love this song. For all that it represents, and for every one who has ever felt like a loser.
Well done, original Glee song. Well. Done.
day 01 - your favorite song
day 02 - your least favorite song
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
30 Day Music Challenge - Day Two...
I'm beginning to think there is nothing that will make me update this thing more often... but here we go.
Day Two - Your Least Favorite Song
I tried to think about my least favorite song. On any given day, I'll hear a song I don't like and it might be my least favorite song of the moment. It changes, but my feelings are usually based on whether or not I like the artist and/or if the song has been considerably overplayed. However, I don't spend much time listening to songs I don't like, so I was drawing a blank.
I did remember a song that I didn't like a long time ago, and it's actually kind of a hilarious counterpoint to my favorite song post. So the story here, is that when boy bands ruled the radio, I was an *NSYNC fan to my very core. That meant I had a sort of automatic hatred for the OTHER boy band with the giant following of teenage girls... The Backstreet Boys. One weekend, I was working on a solar system project in my garage, and I heard this song played on the radio 7 times in a fairly short period of time. It was like every time I was out there listening to the radio, that song played at least once. So without further ado, I present to you, day two's song:
If I never hear this song again, it will be too soon.
day 01 - your favorite song
*A note to Purple: I'm gonna go ahead and guess that you knew this was the answer.
**Cousin Face: Shut up, I know you already said I'd do it and my list would be full of boybands and bubble gum. There will be others, Face, there will be others...
Day Two - Your Least Favorite Song
I tried to think about my least favorite song. On any given day, I'll hear a song I don't like and it might be my least favorite song of the moment. It changes, but my feelings are usually based on whether or not I like the artist and/or if the song has been considerably overplayed. However, I don't spend much time listening to songs I don't like, so I was drawing a blank.
I did remember a song that I didn't like a long time ago, and it's actually kind of a hilarious counterpoint to my favorite song post. So the story here, is that when boy bands ruled the radio, I was an *NSYNC fan to my very core. That meant I had a sort of automatic hatred for the OTHER boy band with the giant following of teenage girls... The Backstreet Boys. One weekend, I was working on a solar system project in my garage, and I heard this song played on the radio 7 times in a fairly short period of time. It was like every time I was out there listening to the radio, that song played at least once. So without further ado, I present to you, day two's song:
If I never hear this song again, it will be too soon.
day 01 - your favorite song
*A note to Purple: I'm gonna go ahead and guess that you knew this was the answer.
**Cousin Face: Shut up, I know you already said I'd do it and my list would be full of boybands and bubble gum. There will be others, Face, there will be others...
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